Many ideas initially sound excellent, but we do not take the time to consider them in terms of Biblical accuracy. Catching phrases and memes may sound great, and even easily grow into accepted truths in our society, but they contradict God’s Word entirely. These ideas are generally misleading, even on the surface, and outright false when evaluated more deeply.
One of these ideas is that “If you deny yourself, you will hurt yourself and never be happy.”
It is the opposite of Jesus’ teaching that, “…if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it” (Luke 9:23-24). So, how do we help our youth follow Christ in a world promoting an idea so different than what He taught?
We have all fallen into this trap at times, including their adult role models. Businesses have made “buy now, pay later” and “next-day delivery” standard. Anger or frustration results when, after check-out, same-day delivery updates to delivery next week. Our tech-native youth feel it is unreasonable, or even harmful, if they are unable to satisfy their needs and wants immediately.
By waiting for the things we want (delaying gratification), we learn things such as the benefits of hard work, patience, and prioritizing. Galatians 5:16-24 explains when we have “crucified the flesh with its passions and desires,” it leads to the wholesome fruits of the Spirit. When we prioritize making ourselves happy, it leads to self-focus and sinful behavior.
As our world becomes more tech-oriented and waiting is less common, thought patterns have shifted from waiting and earning to instant and winning. For example, reward programs used to be centered around collecting points (labels, UPC symbols, etc.) to save towards a reward. Waiting longer and collecting more points resulted in “earning” larger rewards. This type of marketing has been replaced with programs in which a code is scanned to instantly discover if a reward has been “won.” The emphasis on “earn over time” has been replaced with “win now.”
While here on earth, people want to quickly see the benefits of their actions, the benefits faithful Christians desire are not always immediate.
The apostle Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 9:24-26 that athletes work hard to win a race. Many train hard, and only one wins a prize that will eventually decay. Paul assures all who follow Christ will receive a reward that never decays. However, we must wait for that eternal reward. How do we help our youth understand this, when our society tells them that if they do not satisfy their desires immediately, they will be unhappy and suffer?
Our youth today desire to be a part of something important or “bigger than themselves.” They are up for the challenge. However, they also lose interest in activities, like volunteer opportunities, where they do not immediately see the benefits. Adults may see future benefits, like skill-building and leadership development. But these rewards involve delaying gratification- a skill our youth need help to build.
Help youth identify and be increasingly comfortable with being in the unpleasant in-between of what they want and the benefits they hope to get. They need help to stay involved when activities do not benefit them immediately or don’t have visible benefits right now. They need to be reminded of future benefits while seeing their progression towards goals.
Two effective ways are visible progress and mini celebrations.
Visible progress comes from the apostle Paul’s idea of athletes training for a race (1 Corinthians 9:24-27). Athletes train and monitor their progress. They do not run a marathon on the first training day. Instead, they run a short distance that gradually increases. The increase is tracked, and seeing progress makes it easier to stay motivated.
Use charts to show progress towards goals. Goals can be set based on what is already planned- just help youth visualize where they are and where they are going. If the plan is to study through the book of Hebrews, use a chart that shows progress as each chapter is completed. To help youth recognize the benefits, have them list helpful things they are learning.
While planning service opportunities one at a time, have a yearly goal for service opportunities and a chart so everyone can see their progress. Then, help them list the benefits they see as they complete each opportunity. Youth can be very creative at recognizing benefits. At a soup kitchen, they may see the benefits of the warm meal being served, spending time with their friends, and meeting new people. There will be an impressive list at the end of the year to review.
Mini-celebrations are an idea taken from Hebrews 10:24-25 that reminds us to “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” As Christians, we are called to encourage each other. Celebrations do not have to be big, just encouraging. In the examples above, there could be a mini-celebration for completing every five chapters of Hebrews and for every three service opportunities. Youth are excellent in choosing mini-celebrations that are meaningful to them- and are varied so they do not get bored. These may include small gatherings to play a special game or a bag of candies to share. Celebrations could even benefit others, like a special treat to pass out to the younger kids in Sunday School.
Finally, do not forget to celebrate when a final goal is accomplished. Youth should realize that there are benefits to delaying gratification and finishing a plan. For yearly goals, this celebration could be an end-of-the-year party that celebrates everything the youth have accomplished over the last year and looks forward to what they will accomplish in the coming year. Celebrating a completed goal is a perfect time to remind youth of how all they accomplished benefits not only them but God’s kingdom and how the real rewards are yet to come as we wait to join our Savior.
Since man’s fall into sin in Genesis 3, life has been filled with waiting. First for Christ’s birth, and now for Christ’s triumphant return. It is the lessons learned by delaying gratification here on earth that help us wait, eagerly but patiently, for eternity with our Savior.
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