What is it?

The Emotional Jug is a two-fold exercise. It practices listening without judging and sharing our emotions with others in healthy ways.

Many teens spend time interacting with friends over the internet, and that can lead to feeling nervous our unsure about face to face interactions. In the same way, they may not feel like youth ministry is a place where they can be honest and share their thoughts and feelings. This activity helps you to practice having healthy discussions about their lives and feelings within the Christian community that can offer both Law and Gospel with a sense of warmth, challenge, and grace.

In connection with this activity you can use devotions or Bible studies around peer support, Christian community, and warmth, challenge and grace. This can include verses like Galatians 6:2, the story of Elijah in the desert after the prophets of Baal, and 1 Thessalonians 5:9-11. You can also use it in connection with several studies on mental health on YouthESource

  • In Share Hope, Professor Brad Alles and Deaconess Heidi Goehmann explore the ways that both worldview and communication skills impact Christian witness.
  • In Walking in the Light, Katy Sensmeier share five studies to help youth talk about how God is able to work in and through us, even in times where we struggle with our mental health.
  • In Weep with those who Weep by DCE Kristin Schmidt is a stand alone study that is designed to help youth reach out to others who experience a variety of different kinds of grief.
  • In Compassion in Action, Rev. Bill Knippa focused on our Lord’s compassion as He responded to people’s needs and how we want to sharpen our vision to see the opportunities to be compassionate.

Directions

  1. Have 1 partner (groups of 2). Doing this in groups can be done but is not advised. At most I would have a group of 3.
    • Make sure that all people are comfortable with everyone in their pair/group. If they are not comfortable, they are unlikely to share open and honest answers – eliminating the purpose of the exercise. It helps if there is already a relationship there.
  2. Have the pairs spread out in your space.
    • Your leaders & volunteers might need to be used to monitor areas.
  3. The pairs will take turns asking 3 questions. One person will be the Questioner, the other will be the Sharer (if doing groups of 3, two people are Questioners, one is Sharer).
  4. The Questioner asks 3 questions to the Sharer, then listens to the responses. They SHOULD NOT offer advice, suggestions, or judgement.The 3 Questions are:
    • The 3 Questions are:
      1. What are you Mad about?
      2. What are you Sad about?
      3. What are you Glad about?
  5. The Questioner can only respond by listening or asking one of two questions. They can ask, “Do you want to tell me more about that?” They can ask re-ask one of the above three questions until an answer is no longer given.
  6. When that happens, they should ask, “Are you sure there isn’t anything else you are mad/sad/glad about?” If the answer is, “Yes,” then move to the next question. There should be no pressure to go deep into topics that youth are uncomfortable sharing.
    • Questioners should be encouraged to practice active listening skills. You can teach and practice these extensively, or you can go over them briefly. They should include putting phones/distractions away, using open body language, nodding and giving verbal cues that they are listening and more. Since they aren’t using their words, have them see if they can show they are listening in non-verbal ways.
  7. The Sharer answers the 3 questions openly and honestly. Have them start each initial answer with, “I’m mad/sad/glad about…”
  8. Encourage them to share one answer at a time but let them know that an “emotion dump” is okay too. Again, let them know there isn’t pressure for them to share beyond their comfort level. The bigger hope is that they practice sharing and listening to each other.
  9. After the first Sharer has gone through all 3 questions and has nothing else to share, the pair switches rolls.
    1. If in a group of 3, someone else becomes the Sharer until all have gone.

Example

Questioner: “What are you Mad about?”

Sharer: “I’m mad that I did poorly on my algebra test.”

Questioner: “Do you want to tell me more about that?”

Sharer: “I’m just so upset at myself for not studying. I thought it would be easy – I was doing so good on the homework!”

Questioner: “Do you want to tell me more about your anger at the math test?”

Sharer: “I’m just nervous that my parents are going to be mad. I tried on the test, I just should have studied.”

Questioner: “Is there anything else you want to share about the math test?”

Sharer: “No.”

Questioner: “What else are you mad about?”

Sharer: “I’m not really mad about anything else”

Questioner: “Are you sure there isn’t anything else you’re mad about?”

Sharer: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Questioner: “Okay. What are you sad about?”

This pattern continues until the Sharer has nothing they are Sad about.

Questioner: “Okay. What are you glad about?”

The pattern continues again until the Sharer has nothing to share that they are glad about. Then they switch. And start from the beginning.

Debriefing Questions

  • How did it feel to be able to talk and know someone was listening well to you?
  • How did it feel to listen without directing the conversation, giving advice, or jumping in?
  • When are times when it is hard to listen to someone we care about?
  • What are ways you think about when to listen, when to offer a challenge to someone’s thinking or action, and when to offer grace?
  • God made us to be in community. Why is it important to have Christians around us who can truly listen to us?

This is also a key time to tie this back to a larger Bible study or devotion that helps focus them in Scripture.

Important Notes

  • You may want to have small packs of tissues to hand out. Conversations might not dive deep, but it’s possible that youth will feel comfortable to open up in ways they don’t expect. This activity can get heavy depending on what a Youth is going through.
  • Encourage youth to notice their body language. You can discuss how lots of things outside their word can indicate that they are listening or not. Allow youth who are talking to be able to point out if they feel like they are being dismissed or not listened to well.
  • Encourage & emphasize with Youth to hold what is shared in the Emotional Jug confidentially.
    1. When it comes to Youth sharing self-harm, suicide, and other topics that would require mandatory reporting by an adult, I remind youth that they should feel comfortable sharing with an adult anything that makes them worried for a peer. This activity is a GREAT opportunity to share the importance of why Adult Leaders are mandatory reporters and that getting help is GOOD!
  • Give a enough time for this activity as a part of your Devotion or Bible study. Do not just do it on it’s own without Scriptural context. An hour can give a rough estimate of 30 minutes per person in pairs or 20 minutes in groups of 3.
  • Make sure to give an example to the Youth. Use an Adult Leader to show them how it works.
  • End your time together in prayer. Make sure that adult leaders are available to talk afterwards and that everyone leaves in a good place before they go home.

Adult Leader may benefit from more extensive training in listening and caring for young people who may be struggling with mental health. Mental Health First Aid is one such training that can be completed in just one day. While this training is secular, it can be helpful for those who are supportive adults for teens.

Studies that can be tied to this activity include:

  • In Share Hope, Professor Brad Alles and Deaconess Heidi Goehmann explore the ways that both worldview and communication skills impact Christian witness.
  • In Walking in the Light, Katy Sensmeier share five studies to help youth talk about how God is able to work in and through us, even in times where we struggle with our mental health.
  • In Weep with those who Weep by DCE Kristin Schmidt is a stand alone study that is designed to help youth reach out to others who experience a variety of different kinds of grief.
  • In Compassion in Action, Rev. Bill Knippa focused on our Lord’s compassion as He responded to people’s needs and how we want to sharpen our vision to see the opportunities to be compassionate.